The Messages of the Fellowship
by Pansy Baggins
Summary: Just what the Fellowship would say, if they had cell.phones to send you messages with. We have edited it so it's more understanable now, so enjoy! Chapter 2 is renewed and chapter 3 is up, so take a peek.
1. Where it all began

The LOTR messages!  
  
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These are texts-messages I get from my friend Lily every now and then over my phone. They weren't really ment to be shared with anyone else, but I found them rather funny and thought others would too. There's kinda a "theme" going on, meaning some of the texts are follow-ups i.e written and sent on the same days. While others are just "stand-alone" entries at the moment (somethimes I get one that sort of continues the story-line..) Mostly she's writing from Legolas' point of view, but every now and then, Frodo, Sam and Pippin have a say in the whole thing"  
  
Authors: Lily Tighfield of Tookbank  
  
& me Pansy Baggins of Bag-End  
  
Disclaimer: We don't own shit, or any of the characters involved…if you can figure out whom… :-) We both own a copy of the book, but that's it.  
  
Lily wants me to point out that  
  
'The LOTR Very Secret Diaries'  has been a great inspiration because knowing we (my friends and I) have read it, she can write stuff without having to explain them by sending extra text messages i.e Gandalfs pointy hat etc...."  Ahh! and: "Personally neither of us thinks Sam's gay, we find Frodo very cute and dont believe Legolas is paranoid  
  
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Frodo's thoughts on missing half the fellowship:  
  
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Can't find Aragorn, Boromir or Gimli anywhere… swear I saw them with Sam earlier… when I asked, he told me not to worry… I truly am lucky to have such a good friend.  
  
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I think Gandalf is a bit upset over something Sam did… Can't be the tomato, cos I'm sure Merry ate it… Aragorn, Boromir & Gimli are still missing… maybe they got lost.  
  
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Gandalf is so nice. He took the heavy sword away from Sam. He must be worried that Sam is carrying too much. Still not found Aragorn, Gimli & Boromir.  
  
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Can't find Gandalf anywhere… at least he gave back Sam's sword before he left… wonder where he's gone… I'm glad Sam is with me. He is like the brother I never had…  
  
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Legolas' thoughts on missing half the fellowship:  
  
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I know what's going on. I've 2000 years of experience. –Sam knows there's orcs out there & he's showing them too everyone but ME! That's why Aragorn, Gimli, Boromir & Gandalf are gone… they're fighting orcs!!  
  
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I'm gonna complain too the tour operator –"experience the slaying of orcs in their natural environment" my ass! Can't see no orcs & Sam won't tell me where they are hiding! Argh!  
  
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No orcs today either… Am afraid I'm getting paranoid… Every time I look or talk to Frodo, Sam gets this look in his eyes… Hair starting to frustrate me again…  
  
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Found Gandalf's pointy hat today… must have lost it fighting those orcs… Frodo's face lit up when I gave it to him… Sam gave me that *look* again… No orcs yet…  
  
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This chapter contains msg written by Lily, some off mine will appear later on.  
  
Ok, hope you liked it. Please R+R and tell us what you think. 


	2. More wierd stuff

The LOTR messages!  
  
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Oki, this is something me, and my friends have come up with. It's mainly Lily's work, but I had to answer a few didn't I?  
  
Authors: Lily Tighfield of Tookbank  
  
& me Pansy Baggins of Bag-End  
  
Disclaimer: We don't own any of the characters involved; so please don't sue us.  
  
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The madness continues!  
  
Pippin't thoughts about.. stuff:  
  
   
  
Merry thinks Sam's overprotective of Frodo… told him because he kills everyone that looks at Frodo, it doesn't mean he's too overprotective… Legolas going on about orcs again…  
  
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Frodo's spending a lot of time alone with pointy hat… Legolas got orcs on his brain… think we are hiding 'em from him… Sam's not gonna show them too him yet tho…  
  
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Pansy:   
  
Pippin made some mushroom soup today; it tasted funky. That Hobbit must learn how to cook!  
  
(  
  
Lily:  
  
I rather enjoyed it… made my feet tingle & I felt warm all over… magic mushrooms no doubt about it. Frodo said it might have been some bad mushrooms. What a funny guy.  
  
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The Ramblings of Legolas.  
  
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Ice in hair… so not good –have to get away from here or all kinds of bad things might happen to it. Must be brave… think happy thoughts – who said Moria?! –YES!  
  
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Moria not what I thought. A bit on the dark side & very. dusty. Not good for hair or skin. Smell orcs –might just be Boromir or Aragorn tho… wonder where the exit is…  
  
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Aragorn is so over the moon with this king thing. I'll be one too one day… not that anyone seems to care, apart from Sam… Oh that hobbit is seriously getting on my nerves!  
  
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Sam asked for autograph again… must run out of paper and ink soon. Galadriel gave him hers nine times. That's nothing! Frodo say's it's good, clean hobby like mine…  
  
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Can't see how Frodo can compare hair-washing to messy ink… Asked him if Gandalf's hobby was as "clean" as mine & Sam's. Somehow smoking is messier than ink..!  
  
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Bored! Might go to world with amazing fighting birds after our mission. –Not gonna be many orcs left :-( Can't understand why Frodo must ruin Ring! What about me?!  
  
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It's a group thing..  
  
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Am starting to feel left out… Asked Aragorn to be a member of his group. As I am clearly not royal that's not an option. Frodo's reason for not giving me a membership was more personal; "You're just too tall Gandalf.." Yaddy, yaddy… started my own group where only wizards can be members –hehe!  
  
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Gandalf is starting club for wizards. Aragorn told him it was silly with a one-man-club… Think Aragorn is jealous… Pippin wants more mushrooms. Gotta help him.  
  
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Ok, that's all for now, hope you liked it. Please R+R and tell us what you think. One of my messages finally made it in, yesss!!! Anyway, hope you enjoyed them. :-) 


	3. Legolas and his hobbit-madness

The LOTR messages!  
  
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Oki, this is something me, and my friend have come up with. It's mainly Lily's work, but I had to answer a few didn't I?  
  
You might notice that some of the msg are way to long to be sent as one msg over the phone no matter how much the words are shortened. Normally those come in two (or three) parts and I've put them together as one on these pages  
  
Authors: Lily Tighfield of Tookbank  
  
& me Pansy Baggins of Bag-End  
  
Disclaimer: You know the drill!  
  
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Legolas and his hobbit-madness:  
  
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Legolas not in a very good mood lately. Gandalf told me Sam's going on Legolas nerves alot. Wonder why he doesn't just move them somewhere else so Sam doesn't have to walk on them all the time…  
  
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Pippin asked if it needed any help moving my nerves… Told Mr. Shorty to do something more constructive with his free time for once. Now him and Merry are off to look for mushrooms  
  
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Frodo is hooked on that awful pipe-weed... Asked me again this morning before the others were awake. Told the little guy to get lost, as he's already asked me 56 times since yesterday. Offered to give me tacky ring again. Almost took it. Thought I could throw it off a cliff or something. Maybe even give it to Boromir if he asked nicely. Would probably annoy Gandalf a lot. Hehe.  
  
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Sam asked for autograph again! Almost hit him, but dad always said not to hit things that are smaller. Pippin and Merry high on mushrooms again. Gandalf blaming Gimli for not looking after them like he should. Hehe, guess who gave them mushrooms?! Gave last mushroom to Frodo to make him relaxed and happy. Easier to kill him when he's not looking scared. Didn't know Gandalf could see around corners!  
  
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Gandalf really angry. Haven't seen a guy that angry since 1074 when I kissed beautiful married elf girl at party. Maybe in 2041 when I crashed dad's favourite horse...Anyway. Told me to leave Frodo alone. Didn't want to let laughing hobbit go, but what could I do? Will kill him later when Gandalf sleeps.  
  
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Gandalf not very sleepy tonight. (Sulk)  
  
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Aragorn wants us to visit Galadriel. Hate that elf-queen. Always showing off by talking in my head. Dad always say not to show hate in your face as it can make you look more ugly. Anyway. Found nice mushroom for Haldir. Haha.  
  
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Haldir doesn't like mushrooms (sulk) Gave it to Frodo. Didn't make him silly like other mushrooms! Gandalf said he wasn't dead. Just sleeping with eyes open. (sulk)  
  
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Going to Gondor. Wanted to leave hobbits with Galadriel. Gandalf said no. Wanted to take boat. Aragorn said no. Argh! Aragorn and Gandalf are always so bossy!  
  
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Been walking for days now. Wish I had my horse. But nooo... we had to start out from Rivendell on foot... Hope Arwen is looking after it as she promised... Knowing her, she's probably taken it for a ride and ruined it. So typical really! And it was brand new too! Only been ridden by an old elf- lady every now and then... Got it cheap to... ha! That oldie had no clue about its value, a real classic! All the other elfs were so envious.. But could I bring it? Noo... What use is a horse if you can't bloody sit on it instead of walking cross-country?  
  
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Damn that senile old grumpy wizard! And all those dwarfs! All five of them are starting to get on my nerves! Then there's Boromir and Aragorn... dirty bastards! Have they never heard of *soap*!? Hmm... gotta go and wash my hair in the river before Boromir finds it an uses it as a potty...  
  
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Walking to Gondor. Feel so stupid surrounded by little guys. Don't want to meet anyone I know. Frodo asked about pipe-weed again. Almost pushed him off the road. What was it dad said about pushing...  
  
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Hair not looking as nice as yesterday. Think Gandalf told Frodo not to ask me for pipe-weed. Love Gandalf!  
  
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Hate Gandalf! Gave Sam paper and ink. As if he was gonna write his mom! Can't even write his own name! Asked Gimli to take Sam into woods and make him get lost. Hehe!  
  
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Argh! Gimli says wood is to little to get lost in. "12 trees are not enough Legolas." –When did he become such an expert on woods?! Might have to kill hairy-man too now…  
  
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Quiet day. Frodo asked for pipe-weed again. Gandalf got quite upset. Went on & on about excessive use of force. Don't know what the fuss is all about as I only hit Frodo once…  
  
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Sam told everyone I'm afraid of spiders… so no fair! Now they think I'm a wimp! 556 years of intensive therapy down the drain… Know dad said not too hit things that are smaller, but don't think he meant Hobbits… Argh, it's too late! –Gandalf's *always* ruining my fun! (Sulk.) It's not as if I was gonna hurt Sam too badly…  
  
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Ops! Did I forget to tell Frodo about the hole in the ground? Silly me. Must have slipped my mind completely!  
  
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Ah! Oh no! Hair's a mess… Can't breathe… *Must* brush hair!… Ahh…  
  
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This has been the best day ever! I've never had so much fun! First we kill orcs, then they kill Boromir & take Shorty & Merry. Then Frodo & Sam leaves!! Haha!  
  
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Thank you very much for the nice reviews, pleas R&R and tell us what you think of the latest additions, and if this is something we should continue.  
  
If you'd like to understand more of the "inside-jokes", pleas visit this web-site: http://home.nyu.edu/~amw243/diaries/ 


	4. Frodo & Legolas

The LOTR messages!  
  
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Oki, this is something me, and my friend have come up with. It's mainly Lily's work, but I had to answer a few didn't I?  
  
You might notice that some of the msg are way to long to be sent as one msg over the phone no matter how much the words are shortened. Normally those come in two (or three) parts and I've put them together as one on these pages  
  
Authors: Lily Tighfield of Tookbank  
  
& me Pansy Baggins of Bag-End  
  
Disclaimer: We own absolutely NOTHING!  
  
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Sometimes its nice to answer the text-msg you get from your friends and thus enter her mad mad LOTR universe…  
  
(Lily is obviously writing from Legolas point of view, while I (Pansy) am writing from Frodo's)  
  
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Gandalf told me to leave Frodo alone… Can't he see the little shit is stalking *ME*? I'm practically being forced to take the Ring in return for pipe-weed I don't even have!  
  
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Legolas is mad at me again. I just asked him for some weed, man. I don't know why he's so upset. Thought Elves were supposed to be nice.  
  
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Hmpf! Now I've got a Ring I don't even want, which have made Boromir jealous, and Gandalf & Aragorn angry. On top of everything Frodo is demanding weed I don't have to give him.  
  
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Gave Ring to Legolas. That was a big mistake, he didn't give me any pipe- weed... Maybe I should ask Gandalf… Have to get Ring back!  
  
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Gave back Ring… Couldn't stand the crying and begging; Boromir is such a brat! Frodo wasn't too happy about getting the Ring back… guess he'd much rather have some weed…  
  
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Got Ring back, would rather have some weed though. Anyway, asked Gandalf for some, he just told me to go away.  
  
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Other Elves?  
  
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Legolas:  
  
Meet group of elf's yesterday. (Must be under 65 years as I didn't know 'em.) Almost killed one when he called Frodo shorty & took Pips mushrooms. –Only I can do that!!  
  
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Frodo:  
  
The Fellowship met elves the day before. Stole mushrooms from Pip & Sam's pans. Legolas didn't know 'em. He said they were too young for him to recognise 'em.  
  
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Legolas:  
  
That darn elf made Sam cry! No one but me is allowed to do that! Will get back pans back, then kill them. Hrm… dad said not to kill elves…(sulk) Will give them "special" mushrooms! (hehe)  
  
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That's it for now. Thank you for the reviews, keep 'em coming! Will try to update, as soon as possible! 


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